Love of a Soldier
by mamakeks
Summary: Usagi loves Seiya, but doesn't quite know how to tell the others.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first, so please review:) Want more?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Dear Mamo-chan

How are your studies going?

Sometimes I wish you'd just reply,or call, or visit… There's so much going on here, with the new enemies, and the new senshi, the Star Lights and… I wish you were here, maybe I wouldn't be so confused.

There's this boy, Seiya. He's there for me. At first he reminded me of you. ...But he's so different. ...Now he kind of reminds me of me. And … I don't know how to say it, but I'm attracted to him. Please don't be angry, I'm trying so hard to stay faithful to you, mamo-chan, but I'm failing.

I'm so lonely, Mamo-chan. I miss you. You said you'd write, you'd call.

And I've been thinking.

The feelings he awakens inside my soul – the parts he's touching. It's so different from you.

It's so different from our destinied love. I'm not Serenity, Mamo-Chan. I'm Usagi and she's neither a princess nor a soldier, yet she's both and who am I? Who am I, Mamo-chan, can you tell me, please? I'm not sure anymore. It wasn't supposed that I ever become a senshi at all. It was a mistake Luna made. But it happened. A princess was never supposed to be the leader of the senshi that protected her. The princess in me loves you. Her prince. But the soldier …. I think the soldier loves her fellow soldier. The soldier in me fell in love with Fighter. No, with Seiya. Or maybe it was Usagi. I'm not sure.

I wish I could tell the others. They don't know who the Starlights really are. They don't know about Seiya. And I know they'd never understand. I wish you'd call. You must be angry. I would like to make you understand. But I'm not sure if I understand it myself, yet. It's all so complicated, Mamo-chan.

I wish you were here,

Love always

Usagi

She breathed deeply, folding the paper neatly and tucking it back into the pocket of her jeans, which was sprawled beneath her on the floor. The bed she lay in smelled of citrus and musk and that wonderful fragrance she couldn't point her finger on, the man that lay beside her in the stark white sheets, so peacefully asleep, one hand under his face, the other arm wrapped possessively around her middle, it smelled of him.

She propped herself up on her elbows, her hair gently falling in her face and brushing against his arm. She leaned down and breathed in his scent, softly nuzzling his neck.

"Odango", he exhaled deepling, moaning, and tightened his grip around her a little.

She smiled, kissing the vein on his neck gently, then trying to withdraw from his grip, but he wouldn't let her. "Nooo" He moaned, opening his eyes slowly and blinking against the light that shone brightly through the windows of his room. "Don't go yet."

"I have to" She whispered. "I have to get my school uniform. I can't go to school in these," She pointed to the floor, indicating her faded denims "can I?"

She hadn't planned to stay the night. She never planned anything with Seiya. With Seiya, everything just happened. Last night she'd felt so lonely, so very very alone. And he'd stopped by, and held her while she cried, like she did so many times before. And then he took her to the rooftop of their school, and made her stand on the ledge and feel the cold chilly wind wisp against her skin, making her hair fly and her tears dry, and he told her to scream, scream so loud that everyone would wake up from it, everyone would feel and hear her distress, everyone would care. All thoughts would be with her, with her pain. And she wouldn't be alone anymore. The world would understand.

And she screamed. She screamed and screamed and the sky seemed to scream along, as almost immediately it started to rain, drenching them both, and bold thunder and lightening brightened the sky. But Seiya held on, warmed her from behind, held her, didn't care the least how wet he got.

And she felt it. She felt everybodys' minds open up and free her from this loneliness. As if a burden was lifted from her. And she felt Seiya's face in the crook of her neck, and his lips on her jugular, and his tears smeared on her skin, mingling with her's. Tears he shed for her, desire he held for her and her alone. She'd turned around in his embrace then, and kissed him, fierce, passionately. She jumped up, wrapped her legs around his middle, and he leaned them against the fence, the rain soaking them both, but they didn't notice.

"So let's just stay in" He whined. He didn't want to face the world yet, again. He wanted to stay in this bubble, where this angel belonged to him and him alone. He didn't want to pretend he'd never touched her, his light, his love. He took her delicate hands and drew her on top of him, completely unashamed by his nudity, and smirked at her deep blush, before drawing her in for a kiss.

"I'll get detention." She whined. "And you, too" She got free from his hold. "What will we tell the others?"

The others. Right. It always came back to them. "I can protect you, too, you know. You don't have to depend so much on them." He looked up at her, then. "I'd die for you, too."

She looked at him, long, silent. And knew he meant it. She cocked her head to the side, then. Smiled, and asked in this lovely voice of her's. "Then hurry up now, and take me home, and then to school." He smiled back at her, got up, and dressed as fast as he could.

His brothers didn't approve of their sibling's relationship with the leader of the earth senshi. But maybe it would help them with time. And they had to admit, they began to find a liking in her. She was so true, so honest, so sincere in her feelings and compassion, and she reminded them of their princess in some ways they couldn't explain. She had that air of pure royalty around her. It was special, and it was rare, and it was a mystery to them how it could be in the heart of a mere soldier, such devine love.

Usagi exited Seiya's bedroom then, and Yaten snickered at her. "ya yaaaaaa." He sang, smirking at her, and Usagi blushed. "Good Morning, Tsukino-san." Taiki acknowledged, looking up from his paper. "G-ggood morning" she mumbled, blushing.

BR>

"Odango!" He yelled to her closed door, like a preschooler. "Hurry up!"

"Jaaaaa!" She screeched, exiting her front door, now dressed in her usual school uniform, the skirt flying around her legs as she ran to him, falling into his arms. He hugged her to his side, then, and kissed her temple. He loved this.

He could remember that day, when he asked her if she had a boyfriend, where he'd wished he could do just that.

He loved the smell of her hair and her skin. He wished he could take it to his grave, be enveloped by the sweet fragrance that was her's for all eternity.

For a few blocks they walked like that, his arm around her shoulder, she nuzzling up to him, but the nearer they got to her school, and that corner, the more detached she become until, right before turning into that street, they walked with several inches of distance between them, and he already mourned the contact. "Minna!" She bellowed to her friends, who rounded the corner.

"Usagi-chaaaaan!" Minako yelped. "You're early!"

Makoto and Ami looked at their friend, perplexed. Then their gaze fell on Seiya. "Good morning Seiya, Usagi. Did you two run into each other?"

"Yes" "No" They replied simultaneously. And looked at each other. Seiya was in the calmest and coolest state. Well, he's professional after all, Usagi thought. But she was sure she was giving it all away, stammering and blushing the shade of an overripe tomato. "I picked her up" Seiya said, calmly, smirking that cocky grin that was so usual for him and made Usagi blush even more.

"And she let you?" Makoto laughed. "Why of course. I'm hot." Seiya smirked, pushing the sunglasses onto his nose. And Usagi sputtered, laughing at him. "What?" He said, mock offended, and Makoto had to giggle.

"Usagi" Ami said, watching Seiya's reaction. "We meet at the Arcade after school, with Rei. We have to talk…. About … some…things."

Usagi looked at Seiya, smiling at him. She wished she could tell them. How he'd saved her from that youma, believing her to be helpless, and transformed. How she'd found out that her secret boyfriend was actually a secret girlfriend. "Do you care?" He had asked her. And she'd shaken her head no, smiling.

She hated that she had to keep this from them. What would they do if she kissed him now?

"Yes, Usagi, some….thinggggggs." Minako said, drawing very near, and the other senshi sweat-dropped.

BR>

Makoto and Ami walked home after school, when they saw someone grab Usagi at a corner, drawing her to him. She yelped in surprise. Believing her to be in danger they looked at each other, nodded, drew their transformation henshins and ran around the corner, stopping dead in their tracks at the sight that met their view. Usagi and Seiya, groping, kissing. She was leaned back against the wall, his hands tangling in her hair and down her back. Ami yelped, startled, and Makoto drew her back around the corner, startled even more. But they hadn't noticed them.

"Oh my god." Makoto mouthed. What was this!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not owning anything.

Chapter 2:

Truth was, she had no idea what this was. How could she explain it to the others, then?

She clung to Seiya's hand the whole time, drawing strength from him. She felt so….dirty, in a way. But what was she supposed to do? She told Mamoru. She did. She never kept anything in her letters. But he didn't reply. And he never left a number. Yet she was cheating on him, wasn't she. She couldn't deny it. She was cheating on her destinied love. She was ruining the future that was meant for them, she was killing the child she was supposed to carry, she was killing her Chibi-Usa. A low sob spluttered from her throat, and Seiya squeezed her hand a little tighter.

They were at the Arcade. Her four friends sitting, while she stood in front of them, half hiding behind the large man she clung to, looking at the floor.

"And Mamoru?" Rei asked, looking straight ahead, anywhere but at Usagi. "What do you think you're doing?" She shouted, turning her gaze to the blonde senshi with tears standing in her eyes. "Have you any idea what you're doing!"

"Of course, I know, Rei" Usagi whisperedtowards the floor.

The others sat silently. Ami's hands were folded in her lap. Luna sat with her small head bowed.

"Then why? Why are you doing this to Mamoru." Rei asked. "What did he say?"

"He's not saying anything." Usagi half growled, half cried. "He's not saying anything at all."

"What do you mean?" Makoto asked, alarmed. "You have held contact, haven't you." Rei implied.

"No". Usagi shook her head. "He's not replying."

"What do you mean, he's not replying?"

"He just isn't. Never." Usagi said. "But is it important?"

"Of course it is!" Rei exploded. "Obviously this is the reason! If Mamoru was here-"

"No" Usagi interrupted. "Rei, no." And Rei sat down again. "If Mamoru was here, I'd just be more confused. But my feelings for Seiya would be the same."

Seiya tightened his grip on her hand again, then. He couldn't tell her what it meant for him to hear her say this.

"Do you think you're making the right decision, Usagi?" Ami asked, calmly, reserved. The cool tone of her voice, the professional façade she kept on her features, broke Usagi's heart. For it was obvious she had broken their's with her actions. With breaking her destiny, breaking Crystal Tokyo, she broke everything they ever fought for.

But that was is, wasn't it. Because it has never been what she fought for. Never. All she ever fought for was peace,. And happiness, and love, and justice. Where was the justice in her destiny? She couldn't choose it. It was foretold. Hadn't she killed herself, all those thousands of years ago, to get out of this destiny, to get the man she loved, for destiny forbade her that?

She'd always been held back, she never had gotten what she wanted. Freedom. Freedom to be the simple girl she yearned to be, the simple girl Usagi once used to be, before she was Sailor Moon, before she was Serenity.

She didn't want Crystal Tokyo. She didn't want to be Neo Queen Serenity. She only wanted to be Usagi. And she wanted to love.

But could she tell them that? No. Of course not. Yes, Ami, she thought, yes I think I'm making the right decision. "I'm following my heart." She said instead. "I do what I always do."

Rei looked down then, her hair falling into her eyes, and Usagi flinched when she noticed the piro's shoulders shake with sobs.

"I don't know if I can accept that." Minako said, looking at Seiya.

"I guess you'll have to." Usagi said, her voice betraying her broken heart, as it suddenly was that of a leader. And it surprised and shocked the senshi.

BR>

After Usagi and Seiya left, they stayed for a long while. How could this happen? What did that boy do to her? How could they make her see sense again? The only resolution they saw was one person. "Haruka? " Minako asked into her mobile phone.

BR>

She couldn't seem to stop crying. She had slumped down the wall a few corners from the arcade, and Seiya had knelt down in front of her, his knees on her sides, cradling her to him, his head buried in her neck. She cried so hard he was afraid she would be sick. The sobs wrecked her body harder and he held her tighter. She tried to say something, but couldn't get the words out between her hiccupping.

"Shhh" He shushed, "It's okay, love." He rocked her gently. "Odango, it's okay. It'll be okay."

BR>

"Would you teach me how to play the guitar?" Usagi asked later that night. Her head lay rested on his chest. He looked down at her, quirking an eyebrow. He knew of her musical talent. "Will you, please?" She asked again. "I'll try very hard, I promise."

"Why do you want to?" He asked her.

"Please." She said again, pouting her lips and he laughed, kissing them. "Okay" He smirked. "But you gotta make an effort."

She nodded and lowered her head back to it's earlier position. "It's something I've always wanted." She said, thinking. "Usagi wanted it, when she was little." She let her fingers slip through her hair. "I never thought about it again when I became Sailor Moon. And Serenity was more into ice-skating and dancing." She wanted to do something Usagi yearned for. She wanted to see if she yearned for the same things Usagi yearned for.

"Who am I?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, looking down at her.

"Who am I?" She asked again, sitting up. "Who do you think I am?"

She was very serious.

"You're my Odango."

She looked at him, long, tracing patterns on his arm with one lazy finger. Then she got up from the bed, took his scissors out of the drawer beside his desk, and loosened the buns on the top of her head. She positioned herself in front of his mirror, and looked at the image that stared back at her. "And if I cut them, who would I be then?"

"You'd still be my Odango." He answered calmly, and got up from the bed, standing behind her. "Do you want to cut it?" He asked.

"Yes, but I'm afraid" She piped, and he took the scissors from her, and cut one strand of her hair, to the length just below her shoulder blades.

"Want me to go on?" He caught her gaze in the mirror. And she nodded, silently. And he cut strand to strand, until all her hair was the same short length.

She smiled then, shaking her hand, delighted how it moved with her.

"How does it feel?" He smiled.

She beamed at him, turning around and hugging him. "Light" She laughed. "My head feels so light." She buried her face in her neck, feeling the ends of her hair. "My hair doesn't drag me down. I'm free to move my head wherever I want it."

"Yeah" He smiled. "You're free to move your head wherever you want it."

please, please review. I've never done this, I want to know what you think, if I should continue!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon

Chapter 3:

"I'm so stupid" Usagi wailed, exiting the school building. Her shoulders were slumped and her book bag was bumping ever so slightly against her knees where she held it lazily in her hands. "I still haven't read that book and now the test is coming up tomorrow." She sighed.

He took the bag from her and for once she didn't complain. He slung it over his shoulder, relieved that this was her only problem. Looking back over his shoulder he saw the girls walking a few yards behind them, watching them, and as if out of habit, he immediately kept more distance to Usagi, though she hardly seemed to notice.

"It's not as if I hadn't tried it, you know." She humped, "But every time I open this book and read a few sentences I either fall asleep from boredom or I just read the words without thinking or linking them to sentences. Just words. Word, word, word, comma, oh, 'nother word, word…." She stopped and looked at her hands. "I'm too stupid to do something as simple as reading a book." She sighed again, more deeply. "And it's not even all that thick."

"You're not stupid." Seiya rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but YOU read it!" Usagi cried. And Seiya cringed. "What?" She asked.

"Well, you know, when I said I read it…. " He blushed "I kinda meant ….thefirstthreepages…"

She took her bag from him and hit him across the head with it. "You BAKA!" She yelped. "And here you're making me feel all sorry for myself saying YOU read it and it was SO easy, making me feel so stupid and then you didn't read it YOURSELF!" She huffed, kicking him in the leg.

"Well…" He flinched

"We're writing a rest about it tomorrow!" Usagi accused, chiding him.

"I know" He smirked. Holding up a few sheets of paper. "And these are Taiki's notes about it." His smirk grew wider with Usagi's growing eyes. She made a grab for them.

"Oh nonono" He smirked, "Who's a baka now?" He took out his sunglasses, putting them on and throwing back his hair with his right hand.

"You…" Usagi growled, her cheeks blowing up with anger, ready to strike and attack

The girls watched them from afar. It was all so strange to them – not talking to Usagi in school. They'd noticed her distress about it, had seen how sad her eyes had become when she'd walked into the room and they'd ignored her. How she didn't want to go out of the class room during lunch, so she didn't have to see them on their usual spot. And they'd seen the effort Seiya had made to compensate Usagi's loss. He'd teased her a lot in class, even more than usual, and it had worked, it had distractedher from their distance. And yet he was acting so gentle towards her.

They hadn't shown any open affection the whole day. Yet it was clear for everyone to see that these two were a couple now. The classmates had started talking about them. The way Seiya openly looked at her now, with such pride. The way she beamed at him, the way they touched, even when all touching that was done was Usagi hitting the raven-haired idol on his arm.

And that one moment, during math, where suddenly Seiya's hand had grasped the ends of Usagi's now shorter hair and he'd drawn his fingers through them. So unashamed, so perfectly natural, as if it went without saying.

And all she'd done was completely ignore it. No, that was wrong. She'd reacted – she had smiled, a small languid, complacent smile.

It was a small moment, but for everyone who'd watched, it was obvious from then on.

Usagi's hair had been the topic of the day, as well. Minako had gasped so loudly when she'd laid eyes on the other blonde. That hairstyle, that unique, completely _Usagi _hairstyle, all gone!

They had felt like crying.

A few students had asked her about why she'd done it. And she'd shrugged, and beamed that smile that widened everybody's soul and answered. "I feel more free this way." And they saw that she meant it.

They hadn't had any idea that her identity dragged her down so much.

And they had to admit, the new hairstyle suited her. It was really nice. Her hair looked so full and healthy and smooth. The hair was trimmed in different length, the longest hair at the back, the shorter layers above. Shorter strands on the front framed her face, her hair parted on the side and a loose strand of hair that went well across her forehead made her look a little wild.

Several girls had asked her where she'd had it done, but she hadn't answered them, just smiled that broad smile that followed Usagi everywhere and beamed at Seiya.

And now there they were, bickering and fighting, yelling and pouting. Seiya laughed and Usagi stomped her feet, and, obvious to them, or not, as Seiya glanced at them ever so shortly, he drew her to him and kissed the tip of her nose, then pulled her to his side and slung his arm around her shoulder and took her bag back from her, slinging both bags back over his other shoulder. Her arm snaked around his waist and she giggled.

They had to admit, she looked happy. She hadn't seemed that happy since Mamoru left for America, and Chibi-Usa returned to the future.

"So then" Seiya laughed, " let's go read that book" he said

"Not at home. I can't read at home. I tried." Usagi said, Seiya started but Usagi interrupted him. "Yours neither. Your bed lets my mind stray" She blushed deeply and Seiya chuckled.

"Fruit Palour, then" He said and Usagi's face fell. "But the girls…"

"Won't be there till a while later." Seiya finished. Right, they wouldn't be there for an hour or two. Rei's school finished later than their's. "Okay?" He asked, and she nodded.

And they watched the two disappear behind the next corner. It all felt so weird. So odd. It was their Usagi Seiya held.

And when they walked into the Fruit Palour a while later and sat at their usual spot and glanced into the far corner, they could see Seiya and Usagi slumped into the secluded part of the café, her legs across his lap, both reading in separate books. Her back was to the wall, he sat facing forward, sitting on the same bench, lazily drawing patterns on one of her knee caps that were left exosed from her uniform skirt.

She giggled once, and he looked at her. Thinking it was something in the book he went back to reading, again stroking her knee and she giggled again, wiggling his hand away. "You're tickling me." She laughed and he smirked. "Oh?" He said and tickled the back of her knee instead, on purpose this time." She yelped and yanked her legs away, getting hold of his hands and drawing her face close to his. "Stop it!" She giggled on.

Rei was furious. How could they act like that. Usagi couldn't be serious. In their café! She got up from her place immediately, and stomped over to them.

"I cannot believe you!" She bellowed, and Usagi and Seiya parted on the spot, moving several inches away from each other, putting a clear distance between their bodies. But the damage was done and the image was burned into the piro's memory. "Here! Of all places. Don't you have any shame!" She shouted. "Usagi!"

"This place is a public one Rei." Usagi mumbled, looking to the side. "I can do whatever I want."

"What!" Rei exclaimed. "Usagi! Don't you remember how many times you've been here with Mamoru!"

Usagi's eyes filled with tears, and Seiya breathed deeply. "Stop it" He said, calmly.

"Stop it!" Rei repeated, unbelieving. "I shall STOP it!"

"Yes." Seiya said. "Stop treating her like that. She hasn't done anything to you."

"She hasn't-" Rei repeated, her mouth agape. Her gaze grew darker. "You have no idea." She growled. "You don't have any idea." She said darkly, staring him down.

"I think I do." He answered, staring back just as coldly.

"You have an idea about shit." Another voice said, a strong one, a frightening one. And Usagi's head whipped around- "Haruka." She whispered.

But Haruka didn't acknowledge her, only glared at Seiya. "You won't see her ever again." She said darkly.

"Haruka!" Usagi cried.

"YOU GET IN THE CAR!" She bellowed at Usagi. And Usagi was perplex. What happened to Koneko? What happened to that warm aura, that warm, flirty, protective atmosphere Haruka always reserved for her? Right now she only was scared of the taller, intimidating woman.

"She isn't going anywhere." Seiya said, squaring his shoulders. He was ready for a fight. Anyone could see it.

And oh could Haruka see it. She'd waited for this moment ever since she'd found the little punk in Michuru's changing room. "Haruka, no!" Usagi screamed, yet with one hard blow to his stomach she knocked the air from his lungs and he doubled over.

He smirked, still bowed. "Is that all?"

"You!" Haruka growled, and hit again, in blind rage. But this time she hit someone else. "No!" Rei yelled, but it was too late. Usagi had thrown herself in front of her boyfriend, wanting to end this fight, and Haruka's fist connected with her face, as she was way smaller than Seiya, and blood tickled from her nose.

"Koneko!" Haruka gasped.

Seiya made her tilt her head back, as to slow the bleeding, and was ready to strike back. He was furious, but Usagi's hand on his arm and the plea in her eyes stopped him, and she looked at Haruka. The blood flowing from her nose down her lips. "Go, please." She whispered.

"I won't let you leave with him." Haruka said, spitting the _him _with such venom in her voice Usagi had to flinch from the pure hatred that went along with it.

PLEASE REVIEW! Suggestions? You like where this is going? Should I change something?


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Mine? Nothing. There.

at deviantart (deviation/28953876/) you can find a title picture to this story :) (If you want to see Usagi's hair)

This chapter I think rather sucks, but the confrontation had to come, hadn't it? So I can continue with the actual plot after that, please review! This story is getting so far away from what I actually planned and I don't really know what I'm going to do with it x

Chapter 4:

Usagi didn't know what to do. She needed her friends, she'd always needed them. Why did she have to choose? Why was it always so hard.

She felt the blood slowly flowing from her nose across her lips, falling in little droplets from her skin. She didn't care holding her head back, she didn't care how much it hurt – and it did, oh how it did. Haruka had a strong fist, and after all, this blow was intended for Seiya.

"He can't protect you. And he wouldn't." Haruka said. "He doesn't know who you are, what you mean to this world. He's a mere mortal. Just a hormone-driven boy that runs after every skirt he sees. ", balling her fists, fighting the urge to wipe the blood from her princess's face. It didn't suit her. It made her uneasy. And not because she was the one who had inflicted it.

Seiya smiled at the comment, Usagi glanced at him ever so quickly out of the corner of her eye and their gazes met for a short moment.

"Is it really important for him to learn of a name, a title, a fairy tale from the past to act in the present?" Usagi whispered. "Do you really think so?"

The whole scene was an omen for her, and a bad one. Her princess, her long hair cut short, the long mane, that long period of time and effort that it took to grow to its spectacular length – all had been in vain and destroyed in a single unthinking moment, the blood flowing away because of the consequences. Haruka wanted to scream. She wanted to kill. Who was this boy that he could destroy all they ever fought for so easily. She wanted to shake Usagi, wanted to scream and yell and cry. Did she know what she did? Did she know what she threw away?

The rest of the senshi had long gathered around their princess and the Outer Senshi. But why didn't Seiya react to this? Why did he stay so cool? Why didn't this freak him out, that Usagi could be someone else, that Huraka talked about protecting her, that she could mean anything to this world at all. That she was so important – Usagi, the clumsy, ditsy, lazy Usagi who was always late, always stuffed her face and cried when scraping her knee. Such a girl that seemed so ordinary, so average – compared to a national idol, a rock star, someone every girl in Japan dreamed to be with. How did he know what Haruka meant, why didn't he jump to the offence, telling them what a nice catch he was, that Usagi was lucky he gave her the time of day.

She couldn't have told him, could she…

"Don't you want peace?" Haruka retorted, brokenly. All her life she had searched for this girl, sworn to protect her, to make right what had been done wrong in the past. She had fought and protected a future that promised peace, a future she wanted more than anything else. Her king and queen, ruling for a better world, where love and justice ruled, and they didn't have to fight anymore.

"I don't want Crystal Tokyo." The blonde replied. She tilted her head to the side, the shorter bangs moving with her face as tears shimmered in her eyes.

Haruka hung her head low. She didn't want to see those tears.

A long silence erupted, until Usagi broke it tentatively, looking out of the window. "Every girl dreams of being a princess. But I didn't. I dreamed of owning a puppy. I dreamed of building sandcastles. I dreamed of marrying. I dreamed of being a mother to a bunch of children whom I could read to and play in the sandbox with. I dreamed of the little home outside town, where I would have my husband and my kids and a job at a small shop with nice colleagues, maybe in a bookshop where I read to little children again." She swallowed, hard. "The princess I wanted to be never had to actually rule, decide, or have the power to ruin everything. The princess I saw never would fight, never had to kill, never had to exile people because they were a threat. In her dream there wasn't any threat at all. No responsibility. No war she would always be a prisoner in, as she always had to protect it." Her gaze never wavered from the glass. Outside she saw people walking along the streets. She never wanted to be excluded from this. She wanted to live, not watch life from afar. She wanted to travel, make friends, paint her very first own apartment walls, plan her future, dance around bonfires in the night, paint graffiti on public trash bins, dance nights through and eat breakfast in the evenings, watch silly entertainment TV and make microwave popcorn and order takeout on dvd nights with her friends and run around town in her comfortable house pjs when she felt like it. She just wanted to be normal. These weren't things a queen could do.

"I'm not stupid. I know I'll have to fight forever." "Where darkness is, is light."She added as an after thought, and looked at Rei, then at Haruka "So why can't I have my life the way I want it then? Why do I have to be in a Castle made of glass, excluded from the world, as I had to be protected. Why do I have to be better than anyone else, superior. I don't want to be a queen. When all I would be would be a slave. A prisoner." She held her chin up high. "I need to be free, Haruka. I'm breaking"

The senshi didn't know what to say. They had no idea she had felt like this. They had never thought about it. They'd assumed she would feel just like them. Wasn't it supposed to be that way?

"Haven't I done enough? Can't I have my dream, too, when I'm protecting everyone else's?" She took a slight step back so she was on the same level as Seiya again, and took his hand into both of her's, then she sat down on the bench behind her. She played with Seiya's thump, and when she looked up and to her friends, she seemed so small and fragile and vulnerable, yet so full of passion for a dream she wanted to be allowed to persue. "When I come home after saving the world, I want to be in one I enjoy living in."

A pregnant silence followed in which no one said anything. Usagi closed her eyes and breathed deeply, while Haruka refused to look at them. She couldn't accept this. This was her princess. She had the responsibility for this world, she had promised it, this was the very reason she was reborn in the first place, to take her rightful place on the throne and lead the world into a better future.

"I understand." Minako broke the silence, and the other girls' heads snipped around and looked at her. "I- I know what you mean Usagi-chan." She suddenly was afraid, she looked at Haruka. She looked at Rei and Makoto. They looked so, so…. _betrayed._ "I've always wanted to be a singer. And I knew I never could, because I was bound to protect you as your senshi." Rei started to argue, but Minako continued quickly. "Not that I didn't want to do that! I believe in you, Usagi. I would die for you, you know that. It was never a question that I doubt my decition. You and our cause would always come first, and only after that my dreams." Minako stepped a little closer to them. "Yet I have to admit sometimes I feel trapped."

"I can't believe you!" Rei spluttered, looking at the others, then at Minako, then at Usagi. "This is so much greater and more important than any dreams. How can you act so selfish?"

"I would keep peace, Rei." Usagi tried, feeling guilty but also angry that she felt the need to defend herself and that she had to feel guilty in the first place. "That isn't the question. I love this world too much that I wouldn't keep defending it. And the people in it, too… I just don't want there to be a throne. And I don't want Endymion, and I certainly don't want Serenity."

With that she stood. "All I want is Usagi."

She looked Haruka in the eye. Who, after a long pause, said. "You know I can't accept this."

"I know" Usagi whispered, tears falling down her face, mingling with the blood that was drying on her face.

And with these words Haruka turned around and left the café.

The senshi didn't look at each other. They felt they couldn't. And Usagi's honest sobs broke their resolve.

Then suddenly Seiya shook his head and ran for the door, after Haruka.

"Sailor Uranus." He uttered. And that made her whip around, facing him, shocked. "I can protect her very well. And I will."

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	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Hey, I wanted to say thank you for all those reviews so far! It's nice to see some people like this :) I didn't know if I should write this, and it isn't my mother-tongue either, sooo.

Especially thanks to xxxandraa! Thanks for the criticism, I need that, it makes me focus on my plot and see where I want to go with it!

I see Haruka really duty-driven, but not because of the duty, but because of her passion. She believes in Crystal Tokyo and I think she would want to protect it no matter what, because she thinks that's the best she can do and that she would protect Usagi's happiness, too. She just can't see Usagi being happy otherwise, and that's why I think she wouldn't accept Seiya, as she doesn't find him worthy of his Koneko. Does this sound logical? ... o.O

Anyway, on with...

Chapter 5:

Mamo-Chan, what would you say to this, Usagi thought as she looked around her. They were in the secluded part of the park, near the lake they loved so much and the bench on which she learned not to give up. The moon Usagi felt drawn to by her blood shone prone and full upon them, the light reflecting from their skin.

How did it come to such a mess? They just want to protect you, she reasoned with herself. They're doing what they must.

"They're intruders from outer space!" Haruka had shouted. "We cannot trust them."

But why? Why wasn't she allowed to trust Seiya when all he ever did was help her and protect her. Why wasn't the last doubt about their innocence in this war wiped away upon learning the Starlight's true identities.

Hadn't Taiki cared for that sick little girl? Hadn't he believed in the sensei's dream and his meteor after a while? Hadn't Yaten acted so loving towards Luna, hadn't he started to read all those love letters as to respect all these girls's feelings?

Hadn't Seiya of all proven, in all those times he comforted her, was there for her, that he was trustworthy? How could they look at the Three Lights, and believe them to be the enemy, when all they wanted was to live in peace, and find their princess.

"Wasn't every one of us an intruder? Before the sol senshi united? Wasn't earth the enemy of the Moon Kingdom? And look who we are now, the protectors of this very planet." Usagi had answered then. "Because I changed my fate. Because I fell in love with the prince of earth, something my law and moral forbade me, as he wasn't from my kingdom. Because he was dangerous for me, because he wasn't sworn to my throne, because he was an intruder."

This was different, Haruka had reasoned. But why was it? It was the same, really. The Starlights were the enemy, because they didn't believe in the same princess, because they came from a place unknown to them, from a background foreign to them.

And now she wanted to do what she did centuries ago, in the life which memories seemed to her like sequences from a dream.

She wanted to trust the enemy, because she fell in love with him.

All Senshi were gathered here, transformed, facing Maker andHealer

To say Taiki and Yaten were furious that Seiya had revealed their identity was the biggest understatement one could think of. They had accused Seiya of disloyalty to their princess, of endangering their cause of forgetting their mission.

But what was their mission? Why couldn't anyone see that this was the crucial point, here? That if they just talked, really really talked, they could understand each other?

But talk they did none. This war terrified everyone so much that they were on their barricades. They just couldn't talk, because they were too afraid they revealed too much should their opposite be the enemy after all.

And she was petrified as well. Because if she chose Seiya now, she would truelly throw her destiny away, stomp on it one last time until she threw it in the trash and it was gone from her forever. Up until now it had been an option, a road she could choose, a tempting adventure, the forbidden fruit

If she chose him now, she could never turn back. This was the climax of her story and the outcome would be a mystery to her forever if she chose the alternative part. As if standing on the point where the lane she had walked suddenly devided in two directions. The one was lit, known to her, nothing could surprise her there. And the other was dark and looming, where she couldn't see her hands because the fog kept her view to the same spot. Yet from this fog she could see a silhouette she liked, she was drawn to. This was a mystery she wanted to lift, a mystery she needed to explore.

And she realized suddenly, that yes, she had chosen. She didn't know if she were choosing right, though. How could she ever know, if she chose this path? She didn't really know what she felt, she didn't really know what attracted her, the only thing she knew for certain is that this is what she wanted!

And she told them so. And to her utter amazement, they seemed to come around to it. If this situation wasn't so serious, Usagi would have had to laugh. Here they stood, Seiya and her, back to back. Seiya in his navy coloured school uniform facing two angry leather clad vixens, and her, in faded denims and an old gray T-Shirt with the logo of her mother's old school under a black woollen sweater that was washed one too many times, facing eight women in their senshi transformations. She felt so small in her battered sneakers, confronting this wall of power.

She had considered transforming, because she felt more powerful, more secure as Sailor Moon, but decided against it. After all, she was reasoning with Usagi's hopes and wishes. So she should do so as Usagi.

But then Seiya had made the biggest mistake of the evening, and compared Usagi to their precious princess. And boy, did those two see red. Seiya now sported an impressive black eye, and only because he had managed to dodge Healer's Sensitive Inferno, which Taiki had tried but failed to keep the silver-haired woman from screaming.

The attack had hit Sailor Jupiter though, and Healer wasn't too fond of the word sorry, which lead to a confrontation of both sides which could only be ended when both Usagi and Seiya blocked the opposite group of senshi, Usagi standing protectively in front of Healer and Maker, Seiya blocking the path to Venus, Mercury and Saturn.

And this was exactly where they were now.

The silence was so thick it almost seemed deafening to the small blonde.

"Why?" Taiki asked behind her, but as she stood facing away from him, she couldn't know whom he addressed.

Seiya looked at Usagi then, smiling with just one side of his lips quirked upwards, his eyes seeming to twinkle, and then his gaze hardened again and he looked behind her. "I love her." He said, with such power and honesty in his voice.

Such power and honesty in fact, that Usagi's eyes met Seiya's, utterly surprised. And he smiled at her, shrugged and looked at the ground, as if to say "Wasn't it obvious?" and still she felt his uneasiness, his fright of being made vulnerable because of the love he exposed to the open.

Haruka snickered and Healer huffed. "You don't know what love is. You're just a kid." Haruka said. And she didn't mean it angrily or offensively, she believed it, and stated it matter of factly.

Taiki smiled. They clearly didn't know Fighter.

Seiya looked to side, straight into Uranus's eyes and rubbed his temple. "Well let's see," he began and his eyes returned to Usagi's, who seemed rather uneasy and shy all of a sudden. "I think love is when you want to rip your throat out because it would seem better than having to feel this huge rock in it that hurts so much only because there's one tear in her eyes.I think love is when you can't think straight anymore and worry so much only because she doesn't answer her phone on second ring. I think love is when my whole arm feels like burning and I shudder all over only because she has lightly touched it. I think love is when I rather look at her sleeping face all night than returning to dreams I had preferred only months ago because they meant I could see my princess if only in my mind." He smiled at her fully now, the passion he usually only felt on stage had grabbed him and it seemed to him as if the moon's light had increased and was beaming at him like a stagelight, swaying its light across the crowd. In fact, in his mind he could hear the strong and steady rhythm of the drums and base that kept him going faster and faster and faster. He had only eyes for her now. He'd wanted to say these things for so long now. Had wanted to scream it off that rooftop along with her those few days ago. "I think love is when this world that is so foreign and strange and scary to me feels like home only because she's here." He made a few steps towards her. "I think love is when you rather want to die than not being able to see her smile, to smell her hair, to hear her laughter, to feel her breath so feather-light on your skin. When everything else becomes just so damn unimportant compared to watching her breath. And protecting that smile."

So what would you say to this, Mamo-chan? Because I think you never loved me that deeply, did you. You loved me, oh you loved me. But like this? Would you sacrifice your mission, your world for me?

No, you wouldn't, I know this, the duty is more important. I think I wouldn't either.

But he, he would. She could see that. And by now she knew the others did as well.

Usagi didn't know what to do. She wanted to cry, she wanted to run up and throw her arms around him. She felt rooted to the spot, blown away by his emotions. And she stepped towards him, looking shortly at Rei, who, to her surprise and relief, nodded at her, and brought his right hand to her lips, kissing his palm, and then his pulse.

She wouldn't care anymore what anyone thought of them. She would be with this man no matter what. Now, for the first time, she would have to take her future into her own hands. From now on she didn't know what the future would hold in store for her.

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